Don't Look Back by Jennifer L. Armentrout

      Imagine finding yourself wandering by the side of the road, barefoot, and not remembering how you got there.  You're covered in blood and scratches and know something is not right but you can't remember what.  Then, on top of that, you have a cop who is asking questions that go along the lines of this: 

Question: Who are you?

Answer: I don't know.

Question: What's your name?

Answer: I don't know.

Question: How old are you?

Answer: I don't know.

Question: What are your parent's names?

Answer: ...I don't know.

      You have no idea who you are, who you were, and you have no idea how you ended up where you were found.  This is what happened to Samantha.  She found herself stumbling on the side of the road without any shoes on, covered in scratches and blood, and doesn't know a thing about herself.

She has to learn things about herself that she should know.  For example, her parents and brother, or her boyfriend that she's been with for the past four years.  Samantha desperately wants to remember who she was and what she was like.  To add on to her trying to remember who she is, she's trying to recall the events that led to her and her friend's, Cassie, disappearance.  The detective keeps asking the same questions over and over again, and seemingly isn't taking "I can't remember" as an answer to his questions.  

Scott, her brother, and his friend, Carson, become her best friends while she's trying to remember who she is.  They tell her the things she's done, the people who she was supposedly best friends with, and how she was with her boyfriend, Del.  But the more Samantha learns about who she was, the more she realizes she doesn't want to become that again.  In fact, she finds that she can't stand her circle of previous friends and boyfriend.  Not only that, but she also finds herself utterly attracted to Carson, who displays the same affections towards her.

On the outside, Samantha seems to be recovering.  On the inside, however, she's full of anxiety and confusion.  She doesn't understand why she continues to receive these ominous notes, why she is seeing shadow figures while she is visiting the cliffs, or why no one wants to talk about Cassie willingly.  Detective Ramirez is still pressing Samantha for details, and, as time goes on and Cassie's body turns up, Samantha becomes the number one suspect to him.  This only puts more stress on Samantha, leaving her swimming in her own despair. 

Samantha has fallen down the social ladder when she remembered what happened seven months earlier with her now ex-boyfriend, Del.  The only people she feels she can trust now is her brother, Carson (who is now her boyfriend and rock), and Julie, her brother's girlfriend.  Samantha doesn't seem to mind that she doesn't have all the rich kids behind her.  She just wanted to feel normal, and her small group of friends gave her that.

After it is revealed that the notes were in her own handwriting, Samantha's parents take her to a therapist who tells her that the shadow man is hallucinations brought on by stress and anxiety.  She is put on medication to control her panic attacks.  This doesn't stop her memories from resurfacing, though.  

Samantha remembers who killed her friend, and who left her to die.  When the truth comes out, her mother doesn't care about appearances and her life is changed in different ways than she could have ever imagined. 

I really enjoyed "Don't Look Back."  I have never enjoyed mysteries, but this novel didn't come across as a mystery.  It was more of a girl who wanted to know what happened, who was relearning things about herself, and was experiencing things that would bring her family down on the social latter.  It's a book about a teenage girl experiencing teenage girl things.  Most mysteries that I've read focus on the murder victim.  Not many focus on the living.  This book does.  It also includes aspects such as mental illness that not many books include.  It made it feel more real, which is what readers want.  We want a book that makes us feel, and "Don't Look Back" makes the reader feel many different feelings.  

It's definitely a book that I would suggest to anyone who wants to read something different and fairly undiscovered. 

What Do College Students Think About?

     

      I am not sure if I have stated this in previous blog posts, but I am a college student.  This year is my second year.  Being a full time student, I am kept pretty busy doing my course work while trying to maintain a well rounded life.  With college being the main theme today, I want to dedicate this post to all the students out there who need a relatable read, and to their family and friend who want to know what it's truly like to be a college student.

      I wish, oh, how I wish I was properly prepared for how college would be.  If high school taught me anything, it was that the officials who are supposed to prepare you for college don't know a thing about what college is like.  We are told that we need a perfect GPA, know how do to this and that, and that the work would be so much harder.  

      Lies.  All lies.

      What we needed to know was how to fill out official forms for FAFSA and student loans on our own, how to read tax forms, how to write an email to a professor, and so much more.  I am very lucky to live at home and go to an online college, but many are not so lucky.  While I am able to learn the basics of life (cooking, cleaning, how to manage money, etc..), those who live on campus are not.  I once talked to someone who didn't even know how to use a washing machine until she lived on campus.  High school students focused so hard on getting into college, that we didn't focus on how to live and take care of ourselves once we got there.

      To add onto that, we have to get so many things done in such a limited time frame, that we can hardly think about what to make for dinner.  That is, if we can think.  That's another thing.  The thought process of a student might just be one of a man whose been up for three days and is only living off of coffee and pop-tarts.  Our minds are not only dangerous, but it can be a tad bit sad if I am to be honest.  Here is a list of thoughts an average student has on a nearly daily basis:  

1. I need to wake up.  

2. It's 10 o'clock and I already need a nap.  

3. It's too early to deal with this.

4. What is there for breakfast?

5. Why do I never have anything I want to eat?

6. Oh, crap!  I have an assignment due tonight.  

7. I am going to take a bath.

8. Shoot, I still have to do dishes.

9. Man, screw pants.  I'm wearing pajamas all day.  Again.

10. It's 12.  It's literally the afternoon and I have gotten nothing done.

11. Okay.  Dishes.  Gotta do them now.

12. YES.  I AM THE QUEEN OF EVERYTHING.

13. I want to dance around.  Like really bad.

14. Actually I want a doughnut.  

15. What if I had a doughnut and danced with it, would I choke?

16. I'm sure that's better than doing this paper.

17. Have I brushed my teeth today?

18. I need to pee.

19. And I still haven't eaten anything today.

20. I'll just eat later.  I really need to do this assignment.

21. I hate school.

22. Why am I in school?  It's too expensive.

23. I'm just going to become a stripper.

24. Actually, I can't be a stripper.  My boobs are too small and I trip on my own feet.

25. Just...a...little...more....

26. OH, I HAVE COOKIES.

27. FINALLY, I finished this paper!

28. Can I sleep?  Is 6 too early to go to bed?

29. I just realized I still haven't had food today.  I'm going to eat.

30. I'm going to bed.  Screw this.

I just realized this sounds like something a vlogger on YouTube would make, and I probably would've done such a thing if I was talented enough to talk on a camera for God knows how long and still talk in coherent sentences.  

Anyway, I just want to add that, though I've been M.I.A. lately with the blog posts, I have an almost three week break from school and plan to utilize that time to write some posts.   

We Have A Voice

At the beginning of this election, I promised myself that I would not get involved-- just as I wasn't involved when our last president came into office.  I would not subject myself to the political views of this party or that party.  I would not let the judgement of others affect what I believed.

I broke my promise.  

Perhaps it is because I am older than I was with the last election.  Perhaps it is because this election was slandered with political propaganda, and my social media was full of it.  Perhaps it is because I see how the people with power truly influence the lesser people.  I don't know.  All I know is that I let myself be subjected to this amazing thing called democracy, and I'm appalled by the results.  

Before I truly begin my post, let me explain that this is not another post that is to demean the new president, or who almost became president.  This is not to subject you, my readers, to my own views.  (Because, quite frankly, I still don't know how to process this.)  This is not to meant to be another protesting post, with the same points as any other post in this country.  

This post is to establish to you that what is happening in America, to our people, is wrong, and we should not be silent.

Now, I said that this isn't a protesting post.  It isn't.  I'm not protesting that Trump became president, or that Hillary lost.  It isn't my place to.  I didn't vote.  I didn't want to vote.  And, if we are honest, he did win fair and square.  I don't care that he won.  Even though he had word vomit throughout the debates, I have a tiny bit of hope that he could be a good president to this country.  I would've said the same thing about Hillary.  No, what I'm protesting is how the American people are reacting, and the injustice.

There are two sides to this story.

On one side, you have Hillary supporters, who are rioting the streets, and are causing a big fuss.  I can understand your worry.  I can understand that you are afraid.  I do understand, truly.  And I am so, so terribly sorry that you are being subjected to this cruelty that your fellow countrymen are giving you.  However, there is no reason to become unruly.  Are you not the ones who wish for peace?  Demand peace with peace.  Be like Martin Luther King Jr. and the women's suffragettes.  Their points were heard, they were dealt with, but they were dealt with peacefully.  

On the other side, you have American people-- neighbors, brothers and sisters, friends, who are terrorizing innocent bystanders by ripping off their hijabs and attacking others.  African Americans and other colored people are being told to sit in the back of the bus again.  Women are afraid to walk on the street, for fear they'll be attacked.  Muslim women are not wearing their religious dressing because they are being called a terrorist, and are being physically assaulted.  Latinos are being told they are going to be deported, and that the wall couldn't come up soon enough.  These attacks, these threats, they are going without being reprimanded by law enforcement.  Other bystanders are just letting it happen.

What is this?  What is your goal in this?  

A better question is: Is this the world you want your children-- your sons and daughters, to grow up in?  

No!  

I can understand that we are not all influential people.  We do not all have money.  We do not all have the means to fight back.  But we all do have a voice.  We can speak out against these harmful doings.  We can protest civilly.  We can stay true to what America represents.  Without that, without staying true, we are nothing but a group of chickens with our heads cut off.

Everyone matters.  The Muslims, the LGBTQ+'s, the women, the children, the colored people, the Latino's, the white men, etc... Everyone matters.  We did not come so far in history, only to walk back a few decades in the course of a couple days.  No, America is stronger than that.  Like everything that we see, and everything that happens to us, we will overcome such wrongdoings and come out on top. 

Dear Readers, we are all the same.  Our skin tone, sexuality, or backgrounds do not change who we truly are.  We blame the new president for the American people's actions, but it is not his fault.  He is not the one committing such heinous acts of violence.  It is the people.  People on both sides are committing acts against the other.  It is time we stop this arguing, and time we unite again.  We may not see eye to eye, and that is okay.  We don't have to.  But we must get along, and work together to maintain peace within the country, lest we want another civil war.  

I am but one person.  I have a meek voice.  

But, together, we have a bellowing voice that can be heard for miles.  Perhaps it's time we use that voice, and do good, rather than bad. 

We Have A Voice

At the beginning of this election, I promised myself that I would not get involved-- just as I wasn't involved when our last president came into office.  I would not subject myself to the political views of this party or that party.  I would not let the judgement of others affect what I believed.

I broke my promise.  

Perhaps it is because I am older than I was with the last election.  Perhaps it is because this election was slandered with political propaganda, and my social media was full of it.  Perhaps it is because I see how the people with power truly influence the lesser people.  I don't know.  All I know is that I let myself be subjected to this amazing thing called democracy, and I'm appalled by the results.  

Before I truly begin my post, let me explain that this is not another post that is to demean the new president, or who almost became president.  This is not to subject you, my readers, to my own views.  (Because, quite frankly, I still don't know how to process this.)  This is not to meant to be another protesting post, with the same points as any other post in this country.  

This post is to establish to you that what is happening in America, to our people, is wrong, and we should not be silent.

Now, I said that this isn't a protesting post.  It isn't.  I'm not protesting that Trump became president, or that Hillary lost.  It isn't my place to.  I didn't vote.  I didn't want to vote.  And, if we are honest, he did win fair and square.  I don't care that he won.  Even though he had word vomit throughout the debates, I have a tiny bit of hope that he could be a good president to this country.  I would've said the same thing about Hillary.  No, what I'm protesting is how the American people are reacting, and the injustice.

There are two sides to this story.

On one side, you have Hillary supporters, who are rioting the streets, and are causing a big fuss.  I can understand your worry.  I can understand that you are afraid.  I do understand, truly.  And I am so, so terribly sorry that you are being subjected to this cruelty that your fellow countrymen are giving you.  However, there is no reason to become unruly.  Are you not the ones who wish for peace?  Demand peace with peace.  Be like Martin Luther King Jr. and the women's suffragettes.  Their points were heard, they were dealt with, but they were dealt with peacefully.  

On the other side, you have American people-- neighbors, brothers and sisters, friends, who are terrorizing innocent bystanders by ripping off their hijabs and attacking others.  African Americans and other colored people are being told to sit in the back of the bus again.  Women are afraid to walk on the street, for fear they'll be attacked.  Muslim women are not wearing their religious dressing because they are being called a terrorist, and are being physically assaulted.  Latinos are being told they are going to be deported, and that the wall couldn't come up soon enough.  These attacks, these threats, they are going without being reprimanded by law enforcement.  Other bystanders are just letting it happen.

What is this?  What is your goal in this?  

A better question is: Is this the world you want your children-- your sons and daughters, to grow up in?  

No!  

I can understand that we are not all influential people.  We do not all have money.  We do not all have the means to fight back.  But we all do have a voice.  We can speak out against these harmful doings.  We can protest civilly.  We can stay true to what America represents.  Without that, without staying true, we are nothing but a group of chickens with our heads cut off.

Everyone matters.  The Muslims, the LGBTQ+'s, the women, the children, the colored people, the Latino's, the white men, etc... Everyone matters.  We did not come so far in history, only to walk back a few decades in the course of a couple days.  No, America is stronger than that.  Like everything that we see, and everything that happens to us, we will overcome such wrongdoings and come out on top. 

Dear Readers, we are all the same.  Our skin tone, sexuality, or backgrounds do not change who we truly are.  We blame the new president for the American people's actions, but it is not his fault.  He is not the one committing such heinous acts of violence.  It is the people.  People on both sides are committing acts against the other.  It is time we stop this arguing, and time we unite again.  We may not see eye to eye, and that is okay.  We don't have to.  But we must get along, and work together to maintain peace within the country, lest we want another civil war.  

I am but one person.  I have a meek voice.  

But, together, we have a bellowing voice that can be heard for miles.  Perhaps it's time we use that voice, and do good, rather than bad. 

My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult

 

      I will let you know now, from the very beginning, that this book is one of the most emotional books that I have ever had the pleasure to read.   Yes, it is a book about cancer.  I'm not sure why I wanted to read it, but I finally mustered up enough emotional stability to go to my bookshelf, grab the book, and whole myself up in my room.  I finished the book in the matter of nine hours.  

      I will begin with a run down of family.

      Sara, the mom, is an ex-lawyer, who believes her older sister (who basically raised her) is ashamed of her since Sara became everything Zanne wasn't- a mother and married to someone who Zanne thinks is less than capable to take care of the family.  Her main purpose in this book is, of course, a mother, but also to keep Kate alive.

       Brian is the firefighter dad who stays at the firestation a little too often.  I think this is to distance himself away from breaking down due to his eldest daughters condition.

       Jesse is the typical juvenile deliquent.  He is given the spot light a few times in this book, but I wouldn't call him a vital character.  He is the brother of Anna and Kate, son of Brian and Sara, and lives in the apartment above the garage.  The most important characteristic about Jesse is he is the arsonist we hear Brian and his team talking about so much.

       Kate, I would say, is the second main character.  She was diagnosed when she was two with a rare form of leukemia.  It grows a resistance to most drugs once previously taken.  Basically, her body is falling apart, and she relies on her sister, Anna, to keep her going.  Literally.  I'd say half of Kate's blood is Anna's.  I suppose at some point, she lost her will to survive, and, when diagnosed with kidney failure, she made Anna promise to refuse a kidney transplant.

       Anna is the main character of the book, though it switches points of views nearly every chapter.  She was conceived to give Kate chord blood cells that Kate desperately needed.  Sara and Brian genetically modified the egg to be a perfect genetic match for Kate, so, in case the need ever arised, Anna can donate.  However, before you jump to conclusions about how horrible of parents they seem to be, they only thought it would be chord blood cells.  When Anna was 5, she donated Leukocytes, and when she was 8, she donated three rounds of granulocytes.  Now, at 13, her sister makes her promise to refuse to donate a kidney, so she can die.  It kills Anna, but she agrees, and files a lawsuit against her parents for medical emancipation.

 

      This is when we meet Campbell Alexander, the man with the backwards name or the man who is named after the soup.  He is Anna's case attourney.  He has a hard outer shell, and gives bazzare reasons why he must have his dog every where he goes.  We don't learn until late in the book that he developed epilepsy after a car accident, and Judge is his seizure dog.  Actually, we learn this by Campbell having a seizure in the middle of the court hearing.

      Julia is the guardian ad litem.  She observes Anna's family for much of the story.  Her and Campbell have past history, and their love again blossoms.

      Judge De Salvo is the judge who makes the ultimate decision for Anna to be medically emancipated from her parents.  

    

 

       Even though they won the case, the ending was still extremely tragic, and not what you would expect.

        Though this book was emotional, it was worth the read. 

      

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

      Jane Eyre is a timeless classic that I absolutely adore.  If I don't know what to read, I generally turn to Charlotte Bronte's great work.  It is so in depth with emotion- love, anguish, hatred, sorrow, etc....   To those who don't enjoy classics (I started to enjoy reading by the classics, so I'm partial to authors like Charles Dickens, Bronte, and even Shakespeare.), this tale could be difficult to get into, and is rather long for most peoples tastes.
      Jane is an orphan, having both her parents die when she was an infant.  Her mother's brother- Mr. Reed of Gateshead Hall, a rather rich man, took her in.  Soon after, however, he passed, and left her with his wife and three children who mistreated her terribly.  Accustomed to their torment, and often hearing how horrible and wicked a child she was, she usually sat quiet and brooding, dreaming of a time where she could leave Gateshead Hall.

      Her wishes were granted after the harsh punishment that left her unconscious in the Red Room.  Soon she was sent to Lowood Institution for girls- a quaint Christian school started by Naomi Brocklehurst- currently ran by Mr. Brocklehurst of Brocklehurst hall. There she meets a few people who she would hold dear to her heart.  There she would experience heartache, beginning when her dear friend dies during the typhus outbreak.

 

      Her vast knowledge she acquired at Lowood helps her become the governess to Miss Adele Varens at Thornfield.  There she meets Mr. Rochester.  Despite her curiosity towards him, she tries to keep her distance.  Despite that effort she does fall in love.  However, she feels he won't feel the same for her since she is a governess and he is a wealthy man.  This is not the case.  

      Their plans to marry were tarnished when an objector informed Jane and the Priest that Mr. Rochester's first wife (one who he did not marry, but could not leave due to her insanity) was still alive.  Jane leaves him for a number of years, but returns.

      There is a happy ending, and they are married, despite what others may think.

      Despite the length of the novel, and how most would think Charlotte Bronte's writing seemed to drone on and on, I like this classic.  Like I said in the beginning of this post, I often turn back to this work.  If you have a young reader, who reads on a level more mature than most, or prefers the finer things in life (well, finer literary works), I recommend Jane Eyre for them.